September 27, 2011

Just the right thing to say

OK, those who have tried (I feel for you, I really do) but not quite managed to get to the end of my last race report previous novel, I totally understand, and to prove it, I just give you The Novel's last paragraph's piece of news : baby #2 is on its way.

Now, since I am just over 13 weeks now, it seems obvious it would have been premature to share the news earlier, but, I hear you say, that's not an excuse for taking 2 months to publish the race report I used to bury the pregnancy news in.

Well, actually, it was an excuse. Because blogging was not top of my priorities for the last two months, nor was reporting about how much fun I had had to race, no matter how seldom this happens.

Why? Because a week after the race, I found out I was pregnant. And a few hours after that, a biologist at the lab where I had gone for confirmatory blood tests told me my baby was not viable. Well, she did not say "baby", of course, she used the more clinical term "embryo". Like this would make her news less of a big deal.

So this is how you go from having a huge grin on your face after peeing on a stick, to wondering how many hours or days before you lose the baby.

I have always wanted this blog to be sort of funny, or, falling short of that, make you laugh at my expense (no, really, I am OK with it). One thing is certain, I did NOT (still don't) want it to be a place to talk about life and death or where to share my problems (which, let's face it, bore me enough myself as it is without others having to read about them). Problem was, I could not have found a way to write about what was just happening to us in a funny way (not that I even wanted to try anyway).  So I just shut up for a while.

To cut a long story short, we left on holiday the day we got the good-immediately-turned-bad news, had what may not be remembered as the most memorable time off ever went through hell, waited 4 weeks before I was back in town and could see the OB, get a scan, and be told the heart was beating but we could not say more at this stage and had to wait until the 12-week scan. So we went off again, feeling very marginally better, I not allowing myself to feel totally pregnant and feeling like life was sort of on stand-by for another 4 weeks.

The scan is now done, and it looks like the baby is just fine. I am now going to be able to enjoy being pregnant, run, do yoga, enjoy the beautiful Indian summer we have right now, try to motivate myself to blog more often, and feel grateful I am not a student anymore, having to write the customary beginning of the year essay "describe your most memorable holiday moment". I will also try not to let my mind being polluted by negative thoughts or resentment, but I can't help wondering, considering her lack of tact (not to mention incompetency) if the woman biologist who told me the baby who not live, is a mother herself...


Angela and David said...

Oh my goodness, I can not imagine how heart breaking it had to be to hear that the baby wasn't viable and then to just wait. What a nightmare. But I'm so glad you have a happy ending. And I totally understand why you would keep it quiet. Congratulations again and I hope it's smooth sailing for the rest of this pregnancy.

sea legs girl said...

Wow. What made the doctor think the baby wasn't viable?? That is crazy. I can't imagine how agonizing that must have been. I am so happy for both of you that the baby looks healthy!

PiccolaPineCone said...

wow. s if early pregnancy wasn't already enough of a roller coaster... i can't imagine what blood test results would lead a biologist to definitively state that the pregnancy wasn't viable... HCG level? they are so variable at that stage!! anyway sorry i don't mean to pry, just to say i am amazed that someone would make such a definitive statement at such an early stage but moreover so, so happy that you are past the scare and the news is good (though i realize it will take awhile to get over the resentment).
anyway again big congratulations on your pregnancy!!

Nicole said...

My heart dropped while I was reading your post but now I feel so relieved for you. 13 weeks and so you are almost out of the tired funk that the first trimester brings. Cheers to happy and safe 6 more months.